Me: I want to try XMPP as an alternative to Matrix. What instance should I use?

XMPP Fossbros: Here's a generic list of providers!

Me: But which of those instances are queer-friendly? Which are widely defederated due to meta?

XMPP Fossbros: That's not a thing. Messaging services aren't like the fediverse: they only block each other for illegal stuff and spam. You don't want or need a queer XMPP instance.

Me: I'm calling BS. I am using a queer matrix instance now, and I know of several matrix instances that are frequently blocked due to having bigotry.

XMPP Fossbros: Just pick one of those big instances on the list we recommend and find queer friendly rooms.

Me: Fine, I did that. I joined one of the top recommended instances, logged into ConverseJS on my desktop, and joined a bunch of public, unencrypted chats. Then I tried logging in to the same account using ConverseJS on my laptop. None of the rooms I joined show up: I have to rejoin them.

Me (continued): This is a really bad experience. On Matrix, if I log into a new device, I am automatically in all the rooms I joined from my old device. Yeah, there used to be issues decrypting old messages, but
a)They fixed those issues by switching from libolm to vodozemac, and
b)Even with libolm, when logging into a new device you're at least still in those chats and get all future messages automatically.
With XMPP I haven't even joined any encrypted chats. It's the unencrypted rooms that aren't syncing.

XMPP Fossbros: Oh, that's because you used a web client. Web clients are the source of everything evil about humanity, and if you've ever used a web client for messaging you're basically Hitler.

Me: But IRC has had web clients that work for decades.

XMPP Fossbros: WEB BAD!

Me: Okay, fine. I installed three desktop clients and five Android clients, and I got the same results as I did with ConverseJS. No rooms sync between devices.

XMPP Fossbros: Ah, then clearly the issue is your instance.

Me: I'm using one of the top "recommended" instances on the instance list that you told me to use.

XMPP Fossbros: Have you checked your instance against the XMPP Server Compliance Tester?

Me: The test says my instance is 100% compliant.

XMPP Fossbros: Oh, well then everything should be working.

Me: But it isn't.

*Several months pass.*

Me: Hey, my new Nextcloud account also gives me an XMPP account automatically, lemme try XMPP again.

Me: Whoah, unencrypted group chats sync! I guess the problem was with my previous instance. Whoever manages the list of recommended instances should probably remove or add an asterisk to that instance.

Me: Now let me try sending a direct message. Will it be smoother than Matrix or Signal?

Me: ...I can't send a message. Trying results in the entire screen freezing with something about fingerprints.

XMPP Fossbros: That's because you have to send at least one unencrypted message before you can use OMEMO.

Me: WTF? Who thought that was a good idea? Fine, I'll try sending an unencrypted message.

Me: Nope, I can't do that either. No direct messages can be sent, either encrypted or unencrypted. I tried it on eight different clients and got the same result.

I think I'm just going to stick with Matrix for now. It's not perfect, but the most basic functionality works, which is more than can be said for XMPP. Maybe in a few years I'll give XMPP another shot, or maybe not. In the mean time, if any XMPP evangelists tell me I need to use XMPP because lol unable to decrypt, I'm going to point them to this post.

#XMPP